2008 Woodie Awards
Sam Says
Advice Coulmn
"Dr. Sam"
Issue date: 4/21/08 Section: Lifestyles
Okay, so my boyfriend and I are supposed to be moving into an apartment together when the semester ends. We have been together for four years, and I am certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. The only problem is I always thought I would be married when I finally moved in with a guy. I feel like if he is ready to make this step, then he should be ready for the BIG step. What do you think?
First of all, I think you should stop thinking so much. Honestly, just because someone is ready to share their living space with you does not mean they are ready to spend the next 60 or so years with you. From what you have said, I am certain that your boyfriend really does love you because I know I would not be moving in with someone I did not deeply care about.
Have you told him how you feel about this? If you have not, then you cannot blame him for not seeing anything wrong with it. If you have, he might be a little confused about what you really want because you have agreed to these new living arrangements. Aside from what you may want to believe, he cannot read your mind.
While I was on the phone with my dad a few days ago he decided to slide into the conversation that he and my mom got separated while I have been away at school. When I went home for winter break they seemed fine, so I really do not know where all of this is coming from. I did not even get a real reason why from my dad.
What I do know is that I really do not want to go home for the summer anymore. Should I go home and face reality, or try to stay here a little longer to avoid it?
I want to start by saying I am sorry to hear about your parents. I honestly think you knew the answer to this question before you even asked me. You have to go home. There are some serious decisions being made without you that affect your life. Though several parents may disagree, I feel your parents owe you a full-length explanation. You definitely cannot stay here and act like it is not happening. No matter how hard we try, we cannot hide from reality.
I have recently realized that one of my closest friends is not the one for his girlfriend. I'm so tired of seeing him dog her because she is really a cool chick. Is it my place to let him know I feel?
No, it is not out of place for you to speak your mind. If he is really your friend, he should respect what you have to say. He is basically wasting his time and his girlfriend's time, so you being a good friend by pointing out that the relationship will never go anywhere if he keeps behaving the way he does is okay.
Now, what you cannot do is tell the girlfriend how you feel. No matter what, your first loyalty is to your friend. Unless you actually like the girlfriend for yourself...and that is a completely different matter entirely!
First of all, I think you should stop thinking so much. Honestly, just because someone is ready to share their living space with you does not mean they are ready to spend the next 60 or so years with you. From what you have said, I am certain that your boyfriend really does love you because I know I would not be moving in with someone I did not deeply care about.
Have you told him how you feel about this? If you have not, then you cannot blame him for not seeing anything wrong with it. If you have, he might be a little confused about what you really want because you have agreed to these new living arrangements. Aside from what you may want to believe, he cannot read your mind.
While I was on the phone with my dad a few days ago he decided to slide into the conversation that he and my mom got separated while I have been away at school. When I went home for winter break they seemed fine, so I really do not know where all of this is coming from. I did not even get a real reason why from my dad.
What I do know is that I really do not want to go home for the summer anymore. Should I go home and face reality, or try to stay here a little longer to avoid it?
I want to start by saying I am sorry to hear about your parents. I honestly think you knew the answer to this question before you even asked me. You have to go home. There are some serious decisions being made without you that affect your life. Though several parents may disagree, I feel your parents owe you a full-length explanation. You definitely cannot stay here and act like it is not happening. No matter how hard we try, we cannot hide from reality.
I have recently realized that one of my closest friends is not the one for his girlfriend. I'm so tired of seeing him dog her because she is really a cool chick. Is it my place to let him know I feel?
No, it is not out of place for you to speak your mind. If he is really your friend, he should respect what you have to say. He is basically wasting his time and his girlfriend's time, so you being a good friend by pointing out that the relationship will never go anywhere if he keeps behaving the way he does is okay.
Now, what you cannot do is tell the girlfriend how you feel. No matter what, your first loyalty is to your friend. Unless you actually like the girlfriend for yourself...and that is a completely different matter entirely!
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