Broadly Meaning:

Last Friday at 1:30 a.m., two Mobile police officers pulled me over for running a stop sign. I was then cited in the parking lot of my own apartment complex, approximately 100 feet from where I normally park.

The intersection in question, Dickens Ferry Road and Foreman Road, the one at which I apparently failed to stop, was completely deserted. There were no cars to the front or to the right of me. The road to the left was blocked off for construction purposes. I was turning right.

This, of course, means my failure to obey the stop sign resulted in a 0 percent chance of collision with another vehicle. It put exactly zero people in danger. I was lucid, sober, and wearing my glasses.

(It’s true, I don’t actually have super vision. But, I do require supervision. HAHA get it? They like sound the same and stuff.)

The police officers that stopped me were incredibly cordial; we even laughed together at some mildly funny comment of mine.

I probably did my classic “dumb, hot dude” routine with the policewoman. The same one I used on editor-in-chief Matthew Peterson to get this job. (He’s a sucker for dumb, hot dudes).

I didn’t feel bad; they didn’t feel bad. Everything was great.

That was, until I got a ticket. I asked the male officer (it was a male-female duo) how much money this would cost, and he said it runs around an average of $150.

This made me angry for about 14 seconds. Just long enough for me to post a Facebook status with the “f” word. I mean, $150? Once again, for putting exactly zero people in danger? Is this justice?

I really don’t have enough money to pay that. I mean, really. Here, take a look at this handy list of my regular monthly activities to further illustrate my lack of enough money to pay that.

Things I don’t do for the money:

Be incredibly ripped/built – monthly income: negative $150.

Give key advice to the Obama administration – monthly income: $0.

Edit the ETC. section of the student newspaper – monthly income: $280.

Yes, it seems I spend much of my time doing things that don’t result in monetary rewards. This is partially my fault.

And, if we add “reckless driving” to that list, we’ll see that my total monthly income would be about negative $20.

Now, this experience reminded me of my last run-in with a police officer.

As I was taking a shortcut through campus one night, I was pulled over by campus police for having a headlight out.

I wasn’t given a ticket. I’m guessing that he was just checking to see if I was intoxicated or going to rob someone.

This prior experience informed my feelings about my latest pull-over incident. I figured, “Hey, people get robbed at gunpoint here like, twice a month. They’re probably just checking me out to see if I’m going to hurt someone.”

But, no. They just drove off after giving me a ticket worth more than half my monthly pay.

I’m sure it could be argued that, “Hey, they were just doing their job.”

While, yes, they were doing their job, you’d think another part of their job would be patrolling the area looking for the REAL bad guys. You know, the ones that commit violent crimes so often as to cause no insurance agency to offer renter’s insurance in my area?

A quick check of the USA police Web site informs me that if I had been given the same ticket on campus by a campus police officer, my ticket would have cost $15.

Oh, campus police. You are so unbelievably awesome compared to your city-employed brethren.